Choosing the perfect name for baby

By now you have probably heard the exciting news.. you or someone you love is going to have a baby! Nine months hardly seems like enough time to prepare for all the things you would like to have done before the baby is born.  Somewhere along the way, while the nursery room is painted and decorated, clothes and changing accessories are purchased, and bouncy seats and cradles make their way into your home, you might have realized that time is running out to decide on just that perfect name. You might have thought you had your name picked out, only to find mid-way through pregnancy that somehow you've changed your mind. You might not have any ideas on names for baby and now your getting worried you won't have a name picked out before the baby is born.  Or you may simply just want to confirm that the name you are considering is the best choice for your baby.  If any of these scenarios sound familiar, this article may help to guide you through the important decision-making process of choosing the perfect name for baby.

Baby names everywhere! Where do we start?

Buy a baby name book 

We recommend first purchasing a good baby name book (or checking out a few books from your local library).  You can also consult the top 100 baby names for boys and girls on our site, in order to familiarize yourself with the choices available.  Many expectant parents are surprised to find a "baby book" name that they love but hadn't yet considered. 

Make a list 

Sit down (preferably with your partner), and highlight or make a list of all the first and middle names you find at least

 "somewhat desirable." At this beginning stage, we recommend writing down all of the names thateither one of you like...you can get to the baby name debates later!  The purpose of this process is to brainstorm as many potential names as possible. Try to keep an open mind, even if you secretly have your baby's name almost decided in your own mind.  This way you will feel confident that you have "done your homework" by reviewing all of the options.

Take a quiz!

After you have brainstormed as many names as possible, we recommend taking some time to consider what factors are important in your choice of a baby name. In order to decide what is important to you...ask yourself the following questions and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being not at all important and 10 being extremely important). Keep in mind that your responses can change and that this is only to help you reflect upon your initial preferences. Ask your partner to write down his responses separately.

1) How important is it to give my baby a family name? 

Some families have a tradition where the first born son is named after the father, grandfather, etc.  You may want to name your daughter after a dear family member. Always consider potential confusion when choosing this option.

2) How important is a potential name's current popularity status?  Some people have strong feelings either for or against, for example, giving their baby a popular name. Research shows that children with popular names often tend to be more accepted, although your child must contend  with several children having the same name as her own.  Children with more uncommon names often perceive themselves as being more special or unique.  In general, girls fare better with unusual names than do boys.

3) How important is the ethnic/religious origin of the name?

Some ethnic/religious groups are more inclined to name babies within their own ethnic group than are others. Certain religious groups, such as Catholics, often choose saints names or biblical names for their children.

4) How important is the name's meaning? (most baby books provide this information.)

5) How important is the gender status of the name?  Some parent's choose to have unisex names for their children while others prefer traditionally masculine or feminine names.  How important is the gender status to you? Research shows that girls tend to fare better with unisex names than do boys.

6) How important is it that your baby's name have a traditional spelling?  Some parent's like to spell the name differently to add some uniqueness, especially with a very common name, while others prefer the status quo. Keep in mind that your child will constantly need to spell his or her name to others if you choose a unique spelling, although changing the spelling of a name may make the name more appealing or modern.

7) How important is it that your child have/not have a nickname? (A nickname is usually a shortened form of the name.) Keep in mind that this is not entirely under your control, and that some names lend themselves more to nicknames than do others. When considering a name that has a shortened form, decide whether you can tolerate it as well.

8) How important is it that your baby have a traditional name?

(Some parent's will only consider traditional names, while many others prefer the more popular, less dated "trendier" names).

When you are done with the quiz, discuss in detail with your partner your answers and feelings about the questions.  You may find that you have very strong preferences on a few questions, enough so that it will effect your baby-naming decisions (for example, if a family name is very important to you.)  Conversely, you and your partner may realize that you have very few, if any, pre-conceived preferences, and that you will decide on a name based on its own merits.

Go through your lists and consider eliminating any names that are clearly in conflict with your preferences.

 You are now ready for the next step:

Consult the Details!

After you and your partner have made a revised list of first (and middle) names that fit your baby name preferences, the best way to test the names is to ask yourself the following:

1) How does each name sound with your last name?

2) How does each name flow with the middle name? (if you choose to use one)

3) What are the initials of each potential name? (Spellings like nut, bag, dud are likely to provoke teasing).

4) Are there any well-known stereotypes of this particular name? Does this bother you?  How might it effect your child?

5)  Does this name seem appropriate to you throughout your child's lifespan?  Some names may sound great for a child but silly for an adult and vice versa.

6) Is the name easy to pronunciate?  Will your child constantly be correcting people on the way the name is spoken? 

7) How does the name sound overall?  Names with unequal number of syllables tend to sound best: (a two syllable first name with a 3 syllable last name, for example.) A middle name with a different number of syllables than the first or last names can also create a nice effect.  The best way to decide is simply to say it out loud and decide if you like it.

8) How does this name effect the names of your future children? There are no strict rules here, but often parent's find that the choice of one name can rule out names for their future children. Examples include names that rhyme, names similar in sound, names that  have different gender identity status, different ethnic origins, etc.  If you plan to have other children, this  may be worth giving some thought.   

9) Do you like the name?  As obvious as it may seem, this is really the most important criterion in choosing a name for your child!

Finalize your list together:

Take all the information that you have about your Baby Name list, the Preferences Quiz, the Details and especially Your Own Feelings.  Now spend some time discussing the pros and cons of each name in detail.  Generally, it is best if the name reflects the preference of both parents.  If either partner truly dislikes a name, it is often better to consider compromising on other choices. If you find you are truly undecided between the choice of two names, consider using one as a middle name.  You can then later decide based on your child's characteristics.  This is also a good idea if you decide to go with an extremely trendy or traditional name.  You can use the middle name to balance it and to leave your options open in case you later change your mind.

Final thoughts:

Naming your baby may be one of the hardest things you'll ever do.  After all, your baby will carry this name with him or her for a lifetime.   (We all know plenty of people who claim to "dislike" their name, but how many of them actually go through the legal process to get it changed?) Our advice to you is this:  Go with your feelings, they are almost always your best guide. Try not to give in to pressure from others about what they feel your baby should be named: After all, this is your baby.  

Remember, no matter what you decide to name your child, there will be names you also liked that are left behind.  It is perfectly normal to wonder whether you should have named your child y instead of z.  If you had named her z instead of y, you would be wondering the exact same thing!  Also remember that your child will likely "become" her name, so much so that eventually you will probably not believe that any other choices were ever considered.  That's when you know you made the right decision.

In the end, whatever his or her name may be, it is the beauty within your child that is, as always, most important.